John Travolta’s Son

You ever heard someone say something like “Let’s hope some good comes out of this person’s death, lets hope that there was some meaning, some substance and something we can all take from this person’s life”.

In the case of John Travolta’s son we can take some cheap laughs… let me help you out.

Joke 1:
Did you hear about John Travolta’s Son dying???I think they ruled out Saturday Night Fever however he couldn’t keep “Stayin Alive”.

Joke 2:
Heard there’s going to be a sequel to Saturday Night Fever. It’s one of those prequels, though – you know, like Star Wars.

It’s called Friday Night Seizure.

Joke 3:
What’s white, red, and surrounded by tape?

John Travolta’s bath.

Joke 4:
In loving memory of his son, John Travolta is set to release a new film at the end of the year, adding to success of the previous trilogy… 

Look Who Isn’t Talking

Joke 5:
Following the sudden and well publicised death of Travolta’s son, it really set me thinking how cruel life could be, for someone so internationally famous to be cut down in their prime. I mean, who next? Goldie Hawn’s dog?

So bad that they surpass bad to become good…

Master of Political Correctness

So the day is coming to an end and a co-worker of mine is telling me that she is having a blood test tomorrow; and says “I wonder if they will question me to test for AIDS or anything like that”.

I reply with “When they ask you, say “Only blacks and fags get AIDS””.

And of course, the moment I say “Only blacks and fags get AIDS” and myself and the co-worker start laughing a client walks in.

What are the chances? The most politically incorrect statement of the week and someone walks in…

At least the person wasn’t black or homosexual, who knows about the AIDS though?! Might have really offended on that one.

How young is too young?

People often wonder how young is too young in relationships…

There is a simple rule if you are looking to shack up with someone of a younger age then yourself!

The rule/law is as follows:

Your Age divided by 2 then add 7.

So if you are 30 the formula would look like:

30 / 2 + 7 = 22

There you go, and you know what? The older you are the better it gets!

Word Up Weekly Word: Shit

Whilst there are many definitions for the word shit, there has been a lot of stuff kicking around about it meaning “Ship High in Transit” which is actually false; it was an internet hoax that has been around since about the year 2000…

Here is the correct origin of the word:

The word shit entered modern English language derived from the Old English nouns scite and the Middle Low German schite, both meaning “dung,” and the Old English noun scitte, meaning “diarrhea.” Our most treasured cuss word has been with us a long time, showing up in written works both as a noun and as a verb as far back as the 14th century.

Scite can trace its roots back to the proto-Germanic root skit-, which brought us the German scheisse, Dutch schijten, Swedish skita, and Danish skide. Skit- comes from the Indo-European root skheid- for “split, divide, separate,” thus shit is distantly related to schism and schist. (If you’re wondering what a verb root for the act of separating one thing from another would have to do with excrement, it was in the sense of the body’s eliminating its waste — “separating” from it, so to speak. Sort of the opposite of today’s “getting one’s shit together.”)

So there you go people; edjamakation at its best!

Meatcake

Wow, what an idea… a cake made out of meat and mashed potato… I think I’m in love…

Hmmm….. My birthday IS coming up soon…

Have a look at this fantastically executed meatloaf cake here.

Anthony Callea – The Gay Italian Stallion

So Anthony Callea has come out of the closet… apparently he is a fudge packer… I had just assumed he was; however now it’s confirmed.

I personally applaud him; I think it is excellent that he has had the courage to be himself and also to capitalise on the gay music market.

The only thing that would make this a moment better is if Guy Sebastian came out as well; and the reason he came out is he had to announce that he got AIDS off Anthony Callea!

The world is a perfect place in my mind…

Confused to say the least

Many things in life will come and go however some will stay.

Life is priceless and worthless at the same time.

Life will contradict itself over and over.

Insanity is the hold that will keep some people sane.

Might just sound like the ramblings going around my head however someone out there will understand, if you have to think twice…. you have missed the point.

How fast can you do it?

I came across a gadget which everyone should know about.

The device is a watch that states and I quote: Spanking the Monkey has never been so much fun”.

I sure know some people who would be able to set world records with this little baby.

I might put on of these on my birthday wishlist

Check it out Here

Side Business

I recently started a little side business fixing computers after work, I have sent out 6000 flyers and I received my first call last night.

This person had a laptop and it needed to be wiped and reinstalled… So I told him what it would cost and then went around to pick it up.

Upon arriving at this persons place I noticed it resembled a crack den, this was the sort of place that cockroaches walk up to and go “Holy shit… I’m not going in there”.

So I take the laptop and notice that it clearly isn’t this person’s laptop from the data that is on it…I start snooping around through files and I find a resume with someone elses details.

I call the potential owner and sure enough this laptop was stolen from him a few months ago….

Next I call the police and sure enough it has been stolen… they come around to pick it up and to go and question/arrest the shady person who wanted it “fixed”.

What a great first job…

For some reason my conscience kicked in and I decided this was the right thing to do… Now all I am worried about is bumping into this junky down the street and getting stabbed.

One Hour and Nine Minutes

Only one hour and nine minutes until I finish my first day of work back after a week off… Today has been very hard – I have really grown used to being able to sleep in till 10am.

I am drinking a coffee; hopefully it will give me the power to go on….